SPARE THE ROD June 2, 2020

A famous saying goes, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” However, the devotional today on the book of Proverbs chapter 13 actually said, “He who spares his rod hates his son: but he who loves him disciplines him at times” (verse 24).

I was reminded of this when I read news reports that in some countries, because kids are locked down at home together with their parents, there has been an increase in cases of domestic child abuse. I’m not really sure why, claustrophobia maybe, or anxiety on the part of the parents, or desperation and misery at the state of their relationships and finances--that caused them to take out their stress and be abusive and heavy-handed towards their children?

Since I am not a parent myself, I can only imagine the difficulty of rearing a child, especially with the challenges the world is facing now. But I believe there is really a sufficient amount of love, care and discipline unique for each child. I observed parents around me and the way they interact with their children. Even if to the outsider, the parents seem to treat their kids equally, it turns out that each child will always see some things that are unfair compared to their siblings.

And this does not include those “parents” of a greater body—like teachers, mentors, bosses, community and church leaders, government officials and national leaders. Even if all of us face basically the same issues like social welfare, public health, sanitation and the environment, food security, business and employment opportunities, economic development, peace and order, socio-cultural differences, and education—“parents” treat their children differently; and even in times that they craft laws intended to be equally applicable to all, these are not received and welcomed and rendered effectively in a uniform and equitable manner.

Maybe we should take heed of the words of King David, and listen to good instruction, so we will gain wisdom. Maybe we should learn to manage the “rod” well so we do not traumatize our children and create little monsters in them, who will grow up to be megalomaniac leaders in the future. Maybe we should “keep the words of our mouths” properly, so we will encourage and build up our children to be the best they can be.

As an aunt and a godmother, I believe each child is unique and gifted—be they normal, above average, savant or autistic. But I believe too that there is very wide spectrum by which they can grow and develop to be people who are confident, humble, wise, and of great service to society. We don’t have to spare the rod but we can practice controlling it—like what my Arnis teacher said: “it’s all wrist power”. And a little skin contact will give a lasting lesson due to the millions of nerve endings on the skin which connect to the brain, rather than a strong whack.

Better still, may we learn to season our words and communications with our children so they may learn in whatever situation they may face now and in the future, to not lose hope, to always persevere, to always be encouraged, and even in times that they may feel down, to harness their emotions creatively and productively.